We are geniuses.
The Bitchy Diary
Sometimes I'm bitchy. I want to share my bitchiness with anyone who will listen.
VODKA--why is that in caps?
I’m investing in a big bottle of vodka. I can’t drink that as fast as two bottles of wine. Of course, I’ll try, but I’ll be so fucked up I won’t do it again and the last half of the bottle will last longer.
Like my logic?
Changes bitches!!!
So my Twitter got invaded by worshop people a person. So I’m going to post all my drunken ramblings here. I’m also changing the name. Any suggestions?
Sorry, there was a typo and I dont want to be all Mary Rambin on you. At least no on my Tumblr.
Yep, we've been drinking
- Laura: ...and i wanted to be like um if you followed my direction your job wouldn't be hard
- Khaliah: hmm...he's lazy...vibrators make everything so nice
- Laura: yeah, i know!
- i thought dudes were supposed to be open to vibrators
- you know, eventually
- me: Unless they're french....But its true vibrators come much later...unless he's french
Easy as 1-2-3.
It was another great Baugher post…but then when are they not great? I read this post and then found myself most concerned with the fact that ABC.com is covering this. Is news really that slow? Are gas prices not rising? Is there still a war in Iraq?
Really ABCnews.com? Julia Allison? Really?
This is why people no longer read/watch the news.
I guess I have to parse the ABC.com article, but Christ, that is almost as tedious as parsing Our Lady of Introspection. Please forgive my detachment on all of this, as the promise for fresh baughering is fighting with my JA fatigue, plus all the gender and geographical reassignments of the past week. There are, however, some choice quotes in the story that merit a parsing.
Also, a note to the reporter: I didn’t realize the time sensitive nature of your story, as the whole thing seems positively stale. I apologize for not responding in a timely manner. I had archery classes.
ONWARD:
- “She has references about me that I didn’t know existed. She is a veritable storehouse of Julia Allison history and trivia.” Okay, the thing is, I don’t. I get tips from people who do (302 and counting, and I assure the readers, I publish about 2% of them), and in any event, I am not the friend who said ”Julia has an extraordinary ability to transform herself when she moves from one stage of life to another…. She literally forgets anything that is inconsistent with the person she is trying to become at that moment in time. It’s a little sad, I have to be the custodian of her memories.”
- “She’s [screwing] with my personal life, and she’s [screwing] with my professional life”, said Allison, who said that she’s “good natured about criticism” and can take more “than the average person.” Exactly how am I doing that? I aggregate and parse what you post on the internet. Are you really that pissy about the blind items, which are admittedly not verified, but exist all over the internet? Christ, you should see what I don’t post. The hundreds of tipsters that I don’t post. Actually, you should think hard about that. I have exercised remarkable restraint in the name of fairness.
- “This is scary.” I can’t be more clear on this topic. I have no desire to be in the same room with you, and would never take any affirmative steps to associate with you. None. I think everyone but you gets that, but you’ve been playing the ‘victim’ card so long, you’ve got an edge. You know what makes a winning hand. The ‘rape’ card, the ‘stalker’ card. Always a victim, never a bride. It’s hard making it to finals.
- If anyone can parse this for some semblance of meaning, I would love to hear it: The mystery blogger — who has never approached Allison in real life — has called Allison a liar, an insult the blogger takes most personally that has even led her parents to disown her, she told ABCNEWS.com.
- As far as I can recall, I never called her a liar, but only threatened to call bullshit if she continued to deny the authenticity of the MacAir emails, and I apologized for my ungentlemanly tone in that missive the next day. If I were the liar or had otherwise misrepresented that story, Our Lady of Introspection would be in the best position to set things right with her parents, what with the objectively honest emails that clarified the context and thoroughly disproved my angle.
- Seriously, did Mary write that quote? What the hell does that mean? How is a reblog responsible for disowning? Is ‘disowning’ code for “mom hasn’t responded to my last few twitters?”
- Right now? I am really scared.
- Me: Did you ever hear from that dude?
- Friend: Nah. I think I've gotten, like, 2 texts in the past year.
- Me: Typical.
- Friend: Yeah, I'm like, thanks for the sex, dude. Too bad I couldn't feel your penis.
- me: i can't believe I'm yawning after lying down all day
- Ayanna: lol
- me: i'm surprised neither of us have bed sores
- Ayanna: HAHA
- LOL
- OMG
- i think i just peed a little from laughing so hard at the bed sores thing
- me: HA!
- ewww
- Ayanna: brb - i need to use the bathroom now before i pee for real. i cant stop lauging. its making me cry its so funny
- brb
- me: ok
- Ayanna: i decided to brush my teeth too
- me: yay!!!
- hygiene!!!
- Ayanna: woohoo!
- but i didnt wash my face
- or shower
- me: when I stop drinking soda i might do the same
- i smell
- Ayanna: sooo....i'm still kinda gorss
- but i dont smell!
- i did actually shower yesterday
- me: I smell a little
- Ayanna: lol
Last night
I was really bitchy about some of the people in my cohort at that super fancy school I go to. You know, the place where everyone is absolutely certain for their future successes and talents.
I was terribly bitchy. And I meant every word of it too.
Winding down.
I think baugher is being utterly selfish. What will Julia and Mary do with the parsing? How will they know to be angry that someone is calling them out on their absurditiy? It is a sad day indeed. Although if you think about it, the parsing was the most interesting thing about either of these ladies in the last few months anyway. So perhaps now they will fade away….
Internet, our time together is coming to a close. What started as an experiment on a cold January night has morphed into a most excellent and entertaining writing adventure: what would happen if you parsed a pathological narcissist (and later, her Handmaidens) and turned her mirror on her (and them)? Would she (or they) ever shut up and listen to objective criticism, or would she just dismiss it as haters on the internet?
I think we all have our answer. It did nothing whatsoever, and never will. As the Mediabistro piece made clear, her narcissistic personality disorder developed early, remained untreated for decades, and shows no signs of slowing down, particularly with her current posse of hangers on. While I know Our Lady of Introspection is unaware of her surroundings, I can see the shark overhead, fully extended, and, like most of you, I will watch it belly flop spectacularly from the sidelines. Jaws has headbands and really bad extensions.
It is like I am Morgan Spurlock, and all I want, at this point, is a free range, organic chicken. Too many additives are unhealthy, and reading Our Lady and her homecoming court is like eating at a mall food court every night. In every sense of the analogy.
I am utterly bored with my subject(s), and for these girls? Boring, irrelevant and banal is the death knell. In internet years, I am middle-aged at nearly three months old — as are they.
As this experiment comes to a close, I will try to answer your emails and questions, even from the almost dozen haters (out of hundreds of emails). Parsing baugher, if you will. I have plenty queued up on the tipline, but you are welcome to submit your query. Always held in confidence and no personal details will be revealed.
